Kaiden Davis

“My father’s death was certainly a “Pull back the curtains” moment for me on mental health — and suicide in particular. My dad was so proud of everything my siblings and I had become, and I know he wanted to be there for every moment, but the struggle he carried, alone, was too much to bear. This is what Much Love is intended to fight.”

NAMI: Have you ever had any mental health struggles?

KD: For most of my life, I have felt fairly immune to mental health struggles. I’ve never lived with a diagnosis, but it’s something I’m starting to re-evaluate. There have been times, as little as a day, to as long as a month, where I have felt completely lost and alone. After my dad died, I gained a massive amount of anxiety that I had never experienced before. I have always been a careful and calculated guy, but now I’ve started to sort of externalize my thoughts and it has made me vulnerable. I am glad it has made me vulnerable, because I’m finally letting the world know who I actually am, but it does exacerbate the anxiety I have gained throughout this process. I have never been one to sign up for therapy. I came from a family with very little, so anything like that seemed superfluous, but it is something I have been considering.

NAMI: In September, you lost your father to suicide. You told the Democrat and Chronicle "It was so unexpected. We had never seen any actual mental health issues." Has this loss changed the way you view mental health struggles and suicide, and if so, how?

KD: There is no doubt in my mind that this has changed my worldview on mental health struggles and suicide. I have known a bit about mental illness from some of my family members who suffer from bipolar disorder, so it wasn’t something I was entirely naïve to. However, since that was the only form of mental illness I feel like I had been exposed to, I made it synonymous. Now I see the world of mental health on a much wider scale. My father’s death was certainly a “Pull back the curtains” moment for me on mental health — and suicide in particular. My dad was so proud of everything my siblings and I had become, and I know he wanted to be there for every moment, but the struggle he carried, alone, was too much to bear. This is what Much Love is intended to fight.

KD: I’m in a weird place with all of the fallout from my father’s death. Personally, I don’t think I have made sure I’m ok. The night we learned of my father’s death, I took the role of leading figure and politician to make sure everyone else, especially my mother, was supported. I still have dreams all of the time where he is still alive, and it ruins my entire day because it felt so unbelievably real. I still carry this anger thinking “How could he do this to my girls?” Which then leads to a small child-like denial, “There’s no way he did this, he’s just in Witness Protection or something.” Then I just get sad knowing there is no way this could be at all true, and he’s just gone from our lives all together. What they don’t tell you about the five stages of grief is that they certainly are not linear. You always hear DABDA (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance), and while they are good markers for what you feel, it’s not a simple progression. I have gone back to denial so much, even after I felt like I reached acceptance. The one thing I do have in this entire process is my incredible family.

NAMI: What message would you send to someone who is struggling and/or contemplating not wanting to be here anymore?

KD: My message is simple, we love you. The one thing in this world that is true is love. No matter how you feel, how alone you seem, there is always someone out there that feels a strong love for you that would tear away at them if you weren’t in this world anymore. It might not always be in the places you expect it, there might be connections you have made decades prior that would simply be crushed knowing you aren’t here anymore. Embrace your connections. Embrace love.

KD: After my father passed I met with Jake Lagoner, the owner of Embark Craft Cider Works. I told him what happened, and told him I have big plans for Embark. I wanted to be what my father saw in me. After our meeting, Jake and Greg Reuter, our cider makers, decided to create a delicious cider mixed with Cranberry and Mango called Much Love, which were set up to raise funds for my family. I was completely shocked at this generosity, which led to my family receiving $1,500 just from the cider alone. After realizing everything this act of kindness did for my family, I knew we had to make this huge. I then started plans for the Much Love Initiative. Over the pandemic, there have been incredible universal collaborations within the beer community, but there hadn’t been much for other businesses in the food and beverage community. My focus is to include all businesses that can exhibit creativity, breweries, cideries, restaurants, bars, coffee shops, apparel stores, jewelry shops, bakeries, whatever you can think of! The concept for the collaboration is to create an item that pairs two things that normally wouldn’t be paired together. We’ve had some amazing examples so far including a sour IPA from Rising Storm Brewery, which included Blueberry, Balsamic, Coconut and Chocolate, as well as a delicious Fried Chicken sandwich from Chick Magnet that included an apple slaw, sharp cheddar and cinnamon toast for buns. I mean, come on, doesn’t that just sound delicious. With the sale of these products, we ask that a portion of the proceeds go towards local charities including NAMI Rochester and Meg’s Gift to help them keep doing the amazing work they do. For people to get involved is super simple — the only guideline for collaborating is to create an item that features two things that don’t normally go together. That’s it! If you have a business who would like to do a Much Love variant or participate in Much Love week, feel free to reach me at @embarkkaiden or @muchloveinitiative for more info.