Mental health isn’t something that I realized I was truly struggling with until well into my twenties. Don’t get me wrong, I knew that I was struggling to some degree. Everything small always seemed just that much harder for me. However, the labels that society gave me to choose from at the time I was growing up didn’t make me feel safe. I felt as though my emotions were seen as weakness, that overthinking was seen as craziness or extra and actually giving a damn about people was labeled as dramatic.

Over time, I shoved a lot of the special parts of me down for fear of being too loud and standing out. The thing is though, you can’t shove down the things that make you, you. They were creeping out here and there and I always said silenced it. Thankfully as an adult through therapy I was able to do the work. I have had the pleasure of rediscovering parts of me that I now love and appreciate. I was becoming stronger and beginning to live my life for me and not for what I thought I “should” be doing.

In 2020, like I am sure a lot of small business stories began, mine did too. The pandemic hit and for me personally my life changed for the better. I was working in a bank that I had honestly imagined myself working in for the rest of my life. I had already been employed there over 5 years and I was comfortable. I always was told that if you got a good job with a pension then “your set for life.” I embodied that mindset so much I didn’t see the signs in front of me. That I didn’t LOVE this job. However when covid struck our world, the job I once tolerated changed immensely. To be completely honest, the entire life I once knew changed too. I was feeling anxious and scared every day at work. One day I had a friend point out to me that I was not okay. She was worried for me. I truly I needed to hear that. At the end of summer in 2020 I left the bank for good. My heart was calling me to children. I wanted to be a mom one day but I wasn’t quite ready. I decided to take a leap of faith with the support of my husband and be a nanny. The family I met and worked for is incredibly special to me. With them as my employer and friends I was truly able to prioritize my mental health and heal my very overwhelmed heart and soul. This was exactly what I needed as I figured out what was next for me.

Through therapy, journaling, boundary settings and true vulnerability I have been able to grow honest relationships with people in my life. I needed to have a lot of hard conversations with my very inner circle in order to create the honest bond I’ve always needed. I used to feel so badly about disappointing the people around me when I had no mental space left that I would just hide from them. I would make up excuses instead of being truly honest with where I’m at mentally. Once I realized that was a large portion of my issue a lot changed for me. I fill my cup with every special person that I’m lucky enough to surround myself with! Each person of my tribe is a go-to in their own way. They all are pieces to the puzzle that is my life. Sometimes the picture on the puzzle changes but the pieces that are needed always remain. I also realized that I used to be incredibly careless with my emotional energy and not save enough for myself. I try to focus on all these things and set intentions to keep them in balance. I know that this is the way I continue to grow and learn about myself.

“Over time, I shoved a lot of the special parts of me down for fear of being too loud and standing out. The thing is though, you can’t shove down the things that make you, you. Thankfully, through therapy I was able to do the work. I have had the pleasure of rediscovering parts of me that I now love and appreciate. I was becoming stronger and beginning to live my life for me and not for what I thought I ‘should’ be doing.”

My beautiful daughter, Brooklyn Penelope was born on December 15th this past year! Having a 4 month old baby and running a fairly new small business is definitely a lot. However the balance for me is simple….Brooklyn is my why for everything that I’m doing. Every step that I’ve taken since acknowledging my own mental health was in crisis in 2020 has been for her. It’s always been a goal for me to be a mom but I never felt like I was worthy or enough to be one. The work environment I was in was toxic and in stepping out of that I was able to see the world through different lenses. My clothing is a reminder that on those tough days I’m still an amazing mom to my baby and that I am truly enough. If there is a day where I can’t get some work done because she really needs me, then that’s okay. 

AS: Some days are harder than others. I have to constantly remind myself that my self worth is not defined by the number of things I check off my to do list. This is all for her, she calls the shots right now and I’m okay with that. I’m beyond grateful to my husband who supports my dreams and helps me be the best mother and wife that I can be. We both check in with each other a lot. It comes with honest struggles to learn different ways to communicate in a work-from-home environment with our baby. We are dedicated to adapting and learning so we can grow. I accept that there are days that I am not my best self. I try my best to learn from those days and set intentions to better work through those situations next time. I need to set time to speak with myself weekly. It really helps me clear the no sense and make room to love my family. As my very good friend Alexis Russell likes to say…it’s all and ebb and flow. 

It’s truly an honor to be nominated to share my story. I genuinely feel like if I were to have read profiles like mine when I was a teenager that I would have felt more comfortable to figure it all out sooner. The power of seeing women supporting women has been something so powerful for me and I always want to show that off! I’m so grateful to NAMI Rochester. This organization has given me and my business so much purpose. I’m so blessed to work so closely with their team. They have given me so much hope for the direction our world is heading. There are wonderful people out there wanting to do good things and spread kindness.

AS: Especially as we approach the month of May, Mental Health Awareness Month, it’s so important to me to spread this awareness so anyone struggling knows that they truly are not alone and that there are resources for them out there. It’s important for me that people know they are not alone and that acknowledging your struggles isn’t a weakness, it’s actually a strength. I’m happy to be an advocate in this community. It keeps me in the right mind set of keeping my mental health first.